initial enthusiasms

In honor of the, uh, not-particularly-awaited sequel to 1998's The Mask of Zorro, I present a list of failed swashbuckly, swordfighty heroes who emulated the Zorro character and his signature sword-slashed initial.

Norro: Sued for copyright infringement by Zorro's attorneys, who argued that Norro's "N" was merely Zorro's "Z" turned on its side. Norro went into a sulk, eventually re-emerging as a sensitive, poetic swordfighter who insisted on writing his name entirely in lowercase. Unfortunately, "norro" was then sued by a legal team representing the rather obscure sword-wielding avenger Uorro - who argued that norro's new mark was merely Uorro's mark upside down. Sadly, norro eventually killed himself with a single sword thrust to the heart. Attorneys for the punctuation-based swashbuckler Period, the PowerPoint-loving swashbuckler BulletPoint, and various opportunistic gunfighters were advised to take a number and wait for their turn to sue norro's estate.

Sorro: After much fanfare and many press releases, the much-anticipated debut of swashbuckler Sorro was put on indefinite hiatus. Rumor has it that Sorro just couldn't master the sinuous curves of his initial; meanwhile his landlady pressed charges for malicious vandalism arising from Sorro's having covered the walls, ceiling, and floors of his flat with inept attempts at the capital letter S.

Жорро ("Zhorro"): This Russian hero, sadly, lost his life at the hands of forces of the corrupt regime for which his opponent was fighting. Zhorro was taken midway through his efforts to carve the Cyrillic "zhe" character Ж which begins his name - a character that just takes too many damned strokes to render correctly. (His successor, Щорро ("Schchorro"), fared little better.)

Zorro: In the early '90s, typographic designer David Carson (of Raygun magazine fame) tried to push this intensely graphic-designed sword-slinger. However, Zorro never took off - perhaps because his radical, cutting-edge design concept for swashbuckling - breaking swordfights into seemingly random gestures around the room, using multiple and overlapping swords, choreographing thrusts and parries that were nearly indistinguishable from one another - often left opponents baffled and frequently was not even recognized as swordfighting. Several of Zorro's foes left the site of his fights midway through the fighting while mistaking Zorro's actions as possibly an entry in some sort of avant-garde knitting festival. Zorro is now retired to a community of Buddhist minimalist monks who eschew speech and legible text, communicating entirely in white text set on a white backdrop.