too much typing—since 2003

6.29.2005

of no consequence

Restaurant servers have their own special lingo, one that involves, it seems, a rather tentative relation to time. No, I don't mean the classic "we can seat you in about 15 minutes," in which "15" designates a number not less than 15 and not greater than 3000*. Here are two examples:

The food has arrived, and the server asks, "how is everything so far?" So far? Am I to assume that I just haven't gotten to the ground-up sweatsock yet?

Earlier on, of course, the same server will have said, "I'm Sandy, and I'll be your server tonight." I've always been curious about that future tense ("will be") and wondering if they ever call customers on that: "Well okay Sandy - let me have -" "Hey, slow down there fella. I said I will be your server. I'll let you know when I actually am your server, got it?"

*Maybe restaurants are just weird around here, but I encountered an odd variation on this the other night at a neighborhood Italian place. I was dining alone; in front of me were two two-tops, both with complete settings, and near the back of the restaurant was at least one more. Hostess says, I can seat you in about five minutes (which was ten, of course). I initially assumed, okay, someone already at the bar's about to be seated, or they take reservations (on a Tuesday? for a party of 2?), or something. No...I sat myself down on an uncomfortable chair (the bar was nearly full, and I didn't feel like a drink anyway) and waited until...well, until about ten minutes later, during which one party of two from the bar had been seated at one of the two-tops near the back of the restaurant, when the hostess told me I could be seated now. She led me directly to one of the two two-tops that had been set when I walked in the door, which hadn't been so much as looked at since I walked in.

I dunno - perhaps they're pacing their servers, so no one succumbs to a coronary what with all the rushing about? All I know is I'd far rather sit and wait at a table, perhaps with luxury-of-luxuries a glass of water, so I can read my magazine and not wonder when the hell I'm gonna get seated anyway. If I'm at my table, and the server says it's really busy and she or he won't get to me for a while, I'd understand. But why was I sitting off in a dumb little corner on a butt-unfriendly wooden chair? Got me...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

The food has arrived, and the server asks, "how is everything so far?" So far? Am I to assume that I just haven't gotten to the ground-up sweatsock yet?

But if the server just asked, "How is everything," the question couldn't, logically speaking, be answered: the patrons would not, at that time, know how everything is.


Earlier on, of course, the same server will have said, "I'm Sandy, and I'll be your server tonight." I've always been curious about that future tense ("will be") and wondering if they ever call customers on that: "Well okay Sandy - let me have -" "Hey, slow down there fella. I said I will be your server. I'll let you know when I actually am your server, got it?"

In some restaurants, that may be an issue, actually: the waiter will briefly introduce him- or herself, then give way to the cocktail server (or what have you).


She led me directly to one of the two two-tops that had been set when I walked in the door, which hadn't been so much as looked at since I walked in.

Two-tops are called "deuces" in the lingo, for what it's worth. It's possible that a reservation cancelled; or that they were holding the table for a reservation, but then turned out to not need it after a different table became available (you never really know how long a party might sit at a table after having paid the bill). It's also possible that the servers were fighting over who had to have the single seated in their section (just sayin').

flasshe said...

It's also possible that the servers were fighting over who had to have the single seated in their section (just sayin').

Your anonymous insider is probably right, Jeff. As one who dines alone from time to time, I have found that the single diner is lower than even the dishwasher. How dare you sully the restaurant with your solitary presence! You better buy lots of drinks, you jerk! And no inappropriate touching of the server! (Did I say that out loud?)

Anonymous said...

I will go to concerts and movies by myself, but the one thing I cannot ever bring myself to do is eat at a restaurant alone. Well, restaurants with table service. Fast food/deli type places where you order & pick up your food at a counter are OK. Perhaps it's having been in restaurants and seeing singles walk in -- what does the host/hostess always say? "Just one?" Just one. No, it's too depressing.

My personal waiter-speak pet peeve is, "Are you still working on that?" Food should not equal toil, should it?

--Sue T.

Alan said...

I used to eat in blissful solitude at restaurants quite often, but ever since I started answering the "Just One?" question by answering, "I am the Alpha and the Omega, all that was and all that will ever be", they stopped seating me at all and I eventually wind up just manifesting elsewhere.

Anonymous said...

"Maybe restaurants are just weird around here"... or maybe you're onto something! I always wonder about the waiter/ess who says "I'm (name), and I'll be taking care of you tonight." I hear that a lot in the restaurants around Atlanta (where I wait impatiently for the mail to bring my Oil Tasters cd!) -- jonhope