too much typing—since 2003


How to Succeed (in Annoying the Customer) in Business Without Really Trying

1. Three weeks after your customer has placed an order, do not reply to his e-mail asking where the product is, even if he politely allows that he'd understand if the CD is difficult to locate, since it's produced by a record "label" that is essentially the band's guitarist and a computer. (This is true even if your company's e-mail is signed by three people, and the customer has responded to the e-mail address of one of those three people.)

2. Two weeks after that, ignore a second, more pointed e-mail from the same customer, who now observes that Pay Pal probably would frown upon companies that take customers' money and fail to deliver product in exchange for that money - or even acknowledge that customer.

3. Two weeks later, when the customer gets on the telephone and requests that the order be cancelled and his money refunded, promise that his Pay Pal account will be credited - and then do nothing. Also, when the customer decides to be polite and not mention the lack of response to his e-mails - even though he's realized he's talking to the very person whose e-mail address he sent them to - do not acknowledge out loud that your company, or you personally, may have messed up, even though your tone of voice might indicate that you're somewhat chastened and in fact know that you're talking to the person whose order you've ignored for the past month and a half.

4. As a final fillip, when the customer calls a few days later to enquire about his refund, find the one person in the office who actually does what he says he'll do and refund the money...but credit it care of an e-mail address different from the one the customer used to send his Pay Pal payment in the first place, so the customer has to go through the hassle of verifying a second e-mail address with Pay Pal in order to have his account properly credited.

Rather lame, if you ask me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

So who's the band?

-- J