St. Ronnie

If not for Ronald Reagan, we couldn't breathe air, we couldn't drink water, and probably gravity wouldn't work right. He's solely responsible for sunlight, dappled clouds, and soft pink things, including cute little lambies. We should dynamite those other guys and put his face up on Mt. Rushmore - in fact, every mountain in the nation should be sculpted to look like him.

Of course, his real legacy is having made the presidency safe for stupid people.

Hooray.